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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Save water- shower with me!
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.