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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!