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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..