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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.