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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"