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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.