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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.