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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I have nothing!
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.