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Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.