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I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.