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I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.