Daily Silly Status

Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?

Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”

Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.

I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”

Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.

The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.

When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.

Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"

I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......

boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.

Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating

The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.

I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m

The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.