Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Is food porn star a thing yet??
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you