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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.