Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.