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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
justin bieber
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.