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My safe word is letsgetmarried.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Everyday Iām shoveling. ā Winter 2014
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.