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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.