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Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
We get it poets: things are like other things
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.