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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.