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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.