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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time