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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!