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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
Are walruses just vampire manatees?