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Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
life is too short to match socks
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.