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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I don`t care about your status...
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.