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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.