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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.