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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.