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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.