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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.