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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.