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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus