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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.