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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.