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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.