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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"