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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.