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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.