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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?