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Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!