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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?