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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.