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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!