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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?