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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.