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I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my