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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?