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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
My pants are 75% off.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?