Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
I`m having an out of money experience.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes