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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"