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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.