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My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.