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I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?