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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.