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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.