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I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.