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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Gym update: not there
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
It’s a status….not your diary…
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.