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Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!